Being not-happy

I am not going to help with YMCA's jumble sale later, neither am I going for yoga class. Feeling unwell and rotten, cos' I didn't sleep well last night. I slept at 12 am and I woke up three times before my designated wake-up time.

I have been thinking and thinking. I have done and said so many wrong things and I only realised it now. And my irresponsible actions have not only hurt myself but others. It makes no sense. I didn't know I am so insensitive. Or rather I didn't consider the consequences. I didn't think that much.

I know this may be the start of a series of worrying and not-happy incidents. I am not-happy and I think it's a sin. I strived to be happy but when the reality cum truth sinks in, it hurts twice the happiness I enjoyed the past weeks.

I really really don't know what to do.

I may not be able to sleep well and eat well. But it's not going to make up for the hurt I caused others. They may have even more sleepless nights and irregular meals.I am jus too simple-minded sometimes.

The last thing I ever want to do is to hurt others. And I did it unknowingly.

I thought the happy days have finally come. Nah I don't deserve it. I SO do not deserve it.

No amount of salt water can make up for what I have done.

I am sorry.
I am sorry.
I am sorry.
I am sorry.
I am sorry.

I am really very sorry.